Breaking the addiction

2011-07-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

The Return

Back, and very amused with myself actually. For unknown reasons, I went back to my blogger's dashboard and started reading my posts, the last being written in 2009, moments before I leave for Europe for a 1.5 month stay. I started reading my old posts and sometimes I cannot believe I actually wrote those posts! Hahaha! Books that I have read, I have totally forgotten about them. I might just dig up those old titles and reborrow them again from the trusty old public library. :)
The librarians know me by now as the girl with reservations faster than they can digest. HAHA! There was once, I reserved 6 books. The librarian, out of her own kindness, extended the loan period, thinking that I might need the extra time. Ehem.... no? I finished them in a week. :p So yes, purchasing books for me is truly a waste of money because I go through books really fast. Eeeks. Of course, unless I love the plots so much I purchase them for my own keepsake.

I always thought journaling is a very important habit and it is true. When you chronicle your days and you look back at them, you will have moments of "Really? I did that? That was how I felt? Was I really that angry/obsessed/insane?"

So, in the spirit of a new life (I can write an entire book on this part but I shall skip the excruciating torture of remembering what took place over the past 2 years), I shall begin my blogging life on a new site. The lovely site is :

2009-06-02T08:23:00.000-07:00

I will...

never eat at Fig & Olive ever again. The food is never ever value for money.

And I always feel cheated whenever I patronize that restaurant. I don't know why... but it can never be good to feel that way, right? So.... yes, never again.

***

And so, the day draws nearer. I have yet to pack my bag, but I am not very worried. As I said... oh, how naggy I can be... all my things are in bunches in different parts of the room. It is just a matter of stuffing them into my faithful backpack. I remember, I wanted to get myself a new backpack for last autumn's travel. Somehow, I forgot, and I brought this with me. And I realize, why should I even think of changing it? Not only is it still in good condition, it had been with me right from the start. :)

***

Tomorrow is going to be slightly more relaxing for me... and it better be! Because it is Clean My Room Day, and Packing Day and Put It All Together Day. And maybe... *shrugs* :p

2009-06-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

Talking Points
It is good to prepare early. While sitting on the bed and eye-sweeping my travel checklist, I realized that basically, I have everything on hand, just waiting to be placed inside the bag. So, I suppose I can leave that to Wednesday or Thursday morning itself. :) But knowing me, I probably will pack on Wednesday night. Haha.
---
You know what I totally enjoy watching, other than movies and good videos? It's people who love making comments based on what they do not know. And guess what? I don't even bother correcting how they think. Because, the more they try to make me look stupid, the more foolish-looking they actually appear. Simply because, I know what I am doing and they have no clue whatsoever, and probably, they will never be able to. What do I do then? Easy. Laugh.
---
How was my first day of non-work? Strange, because I am used to working, like mad. However, it was also oddly relaxing, and beautifully fulfilling because I work towards making my plans real and dreams, true. :)
---
In about an hour, it will be just ONE DAY MORE... (a song from Les Miz. :})

2009-05-31T05:25:00.000-07:00

Can someone shout: "3"!!!??

"Time flies" is an understatement. From a hundred plus to just a single digit number 3 is WOW!
Today was Strategizing Day. Met up with Ed at around 9.30am for breakfast and intense discussions. First we tried McCafe but the wireless service was really bad. For nearly 2 hours, we were logged in and out of the network. Frustrated and realizing that time was surely ticking away, we headed to Starbucks. And phewwwww.... the Internet worked wonderfully well and we continued with our planning. At 3pm, we were DONE DONE DONE!!!!

****

Wow, all the way up to yesterday 2pm, it was almost non-stop work for me. And when it was all over... just completely stopped... I feel like I am paused in a video. haha, I suppose the whole long break idea hasn't sunk in fully yet. but it does feel good having to not worry about lesson plans, schedules and stuff yet. However, I am starting to miss my class students and guitar classes. :Z But well, I must enjoy this gift to myself!!! :D

Will be heading to town tomorrow. Hahaha! I have to start packing soon!
Thank goodness the checklist is drawn up. So I am left with, pack, tick, pack, tick, zip, lock!

****

2009-05-29T06:20:00.000-07:00

(untitled)
Today is officially my last day @ work, before I go on my extended leave. Somehow, it felt really sad. Haha. Because this is the first time I will be away from work for a substantial period of time. A colleague even gave me a goodbye hug before she left for her half-day leave. Another colleague shook my hands. (she had wanted to hug, but was not in the physical state to do so... haha!) Also received a message from the vice-principal. haha. Sweet! I left work at about 8.30pm today,making it an official 12 hours of work-functioning mode. Haha. Before I left, I gave my classroom an eye-sweep. I had made sure everything was in top condition. What did I do earlier? Was sewing up a dress! A Spanish flamenco dress. Damn, my sewing skills leave much to be desired. But, it was still done. The final product was still attained. Hurrah! *pats on my shoulder.

****

Feeling quite relaxed at the moment.
That break-ish feeling hasn't set in yet. :p

2009-05-28T09:31:00.000-07:00

2nd to Last.
Time check: 12.33am. I have been doing work for the past say... 16 hours. With Muse's Unintended playing on repeat mode to accompany me, I suddenly feel slightly emotional. Today is officially the 2nd last day at work before my ultra-long leave. Of course I AM excited! Feeling one way doesnt mean I dont feel the other. I do treasure my Life@ work too. Plus, when I left the workplace around half past 9 in the p.m., my Principal came up to me and said, "I feel that I miss you already." (include hand actions!) Awwww. I plan to keep in touch with them when I am on the move. :D But of course, I am rather apologetic that I was not able to respond in kind because I felt desperate for a shower. All I could think of was to get home and head for the bath.
***
Tomorrow...! Tomorrow! The last stretch.

2009-05-28T09:17:00.000-07:00

YOU MAKE ME SICK
totally. totally sick. i will not and never will believe a single word you say ever again.
No amount of seemingly perfectly crafted speeches, sprinkled with
lovely analogies will do the trick anymore.

Because You are a L-I-A-R.

Maybe for the first few times, I will try to be nice, empathize, even sympathize..
but what the heck! I see no use doing this anymore. The next time,
even when and if it gets bloody... I am prepared. Wayyyy beyond prepared.

2009-05-27T06:38:00.000-07:00

Black Horse & The Cherry... what?!
I have this knack of intending to do something, out of my usual routine, and then ending up not doing it-
completely justified by an array of pathetic excuses. Well, I suppose, don't we all? Haha. Anyway, I digress.
Today was the last day of my guitar class. :( Sad emoticons align today's date in my journal. I had this sudden thought of getting chocolates for my guitar teacher; just as token of my appreciation. I was super close to not fulfilling this intention... until I walked right by a tidbit shop on the way to music school. Haha! And how apt; my guitar teacher opened the class 10 minutes earlier than usual. And I had badly wanted to play Plug In Baby before class officially starts. I handed him the chocolates and he (at least to my eyes) appeared pretty touched by this gesture. Hahaa! I would guess so since.... he even offered to send me home. Haha, he tried to strike a deal; you buy me chocolates, i send you home. Sheesh. But that was not the point. And I politely refused.
And guess what! He left the classroom, and passed me a few score sheets (hush, hush... sorry boys! lol!) when he returned. We played blues today. Wow wow wow. Love the rhthym. XIE XIE LAOSHI! It is honestly very interesting to actually sit down and discuss music, in musical terms etc, truly understanding what makes up a composition. :} But no worries, I will not....... like some b.... do.

---------------------------

I am exhausted, yes. But I feel like my week is brimming with accomplishments. Haha. A student made me
card (haha, and yes SHE was the injured one.) - thanking me for stopping her bleeding. Her chin, split open yesterday. And yes, as interrupted as I was ( had been working on projects), I assisted this; at one look, that was no ordinary cut! Ew! Blogging about it makes me feel nauseated. But she was such a pretty child, and seeing her so pained somehow moved me too.

---------------------------

I really dont see why YOU YOU YOU have to turn into such a braggart.
B R A G G A R T. Ew, does anyone smell a stinking braggart around here?

2009-05-26T06:19:00.000-07:00

NOT!
Second entry in 2 hours = Too many things going inside my head/I need to bitch.
****
Talking to you is wearing me out, so much so that I feel I must surely be dying softly but surely.

****
Exhaustion = Feeling exceptionally drained and tired.
So what is "seeing things"? I got home, and I went to the kitchen. I swear I saw that loaf of bread!! I even planned to savor it for my dinner. So, I showered first. (Comfort before satiation.) Haha. Anyway, I went back to the kitchen once I was feeling all cool, took out the butter from the fridge and then, I saw the bread was missing.
I searched and searched. My mom said, "Nobody bought any bread today." =X

2009-05-26T05:11:00.000-07:00

Today
there will be no smokescreen in my blogpost, because today i am, yes-
1) insanely occupied, and still am. and will be until at least the end of this week.
2) mostly pissed with them, and probably will always be until a freaky event of nature takes place.
3) exhausted, but not enough to boast about it.
---
i was reading someone's blog post and i totally agree with what he says/type/whatever.
you have to give someone respect before you can expect to receive some, in return. but how do i
even want to try to respect someone who views others' misfortunes as something to be scoffed at, making them feel good about themselves? it makes me sick to the core. it makes me want to roll my eyes a gazillion times because we are all no different from other people who are also trying to advance themselves in life. but for each and every person breathing right now, their definitions of "this is where i want to be, this is what i want to do, this is what will make me happy (and not others)" greatly differ. at some point, i somehow hope/pray/wish that these people will encounter a bad phase in their perfectly crafted (or is it, fake?) lives just so that they can actually wake up and smell the coffee.
--
the next thing i want to say is, be frigging humble. i dont give a damn about how good you think you are right now, because in my opinion, you are still the same, and your every effort to make yourself look better than everyone else, makes you look desperate. worst, pathetic. naturally i would expect you to disagree, because nobody in this world is right, except you.

2009-05-25T07:30:00.000-07:00

Team Matt

seems like my days are getting increasingly more dramatic. that, i dont mind- but i am exhausted, man!
maybe this is good... this will make me incredibly occupied so that this week will fly even faster! :) right, ed?!

------

you know, people who may appear to be less fortunate than you, or appear to be of low status, may be much richer in terms of happiness and contentment than you. for people like yourself, nothing can ever be enough.
and that is why, i believe you will never reach that level of understandanding as to what it means to be contented and to be at peace with yourself.

do a reflection, for once. a selfless one, please.

2009-05-24T08:31:00.000-07:00

Just one more time

*bang bang you're dead*

~*~*~*~*

anyway, i am bidding adieu to my super fit weekend. it was touristy last weekend, and physically challenging this time around. argh! but in any case, lots of fun before i fly off, yeah? and this wednesday will be my last guitar class before i leave. argh! :( i am left with just one more week of work! i already feel like not going. hahaha. but i have stuffs to clear. and i am, as geeky as this is, very responsible. hahaha!

okay. so tired. tonight, i will totally savour my sleep.

2009-05-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

FOR GOODNESS SAKE
USE
A
LITTLE
T-A-C-K & DECORUM!
---
apart from that little episode, yeah, congratulate me! i am done with the mafan part
of my work reports! hurrah! hurrah! this means i can go out tomorrow (which i bet will use up
my entire day) without worrying that i still havent completed this! :) at first, i didnt want to do the full stretch...
then i was like since i already had the momentum going... what the heck.. just finish it. i even finished other stuffs as well. : ) yeay-ness! okay, research time.

2009-05-23T05:53:00.000-07:00

Alexisz
when she arrives, that's what she will be called.
~*~*~*~*~
My day was... goood! I awoke extra early because I suddenly remembered work. Damn.
Even though I am ahead of deadlines, I am still thinking about them. Haha... as long it is not fully completed.
So I end up being the first to get up, shower, clean the room, strummed for a bit and then out for breakfast! Reached home, showered again and went out to meet the gang for bowling. Pretty happy that I am STILL able to hit pretty okay scores (less than 100 though) even though I have not been playing for eons..! Really enjoyed playing with them.. I was not even conscious about other people.. Even did silly stunts. WAHAHA. Kinda fired up my love for bowling again. Hehehe. I remembered beating MR in all bowling games until he got fed up. *roll eyes.
~*~*~*~*~
Ooo.. guess what?! Approx 11 days more..! Time has really passed so fast..! Makes me a bit sad though. Coz what will come will go. But I totally cannot wait! Excited to embark on another new adventure~!

2009-05-22T05:17:00.000-07:00

My plug-in Baby
... is now going cuckoo. :( Very upset about this. Very upset. Sighs... Ironic.

**********
How was my day today? Hrm. It was pretty good actually.
Hahaha. And we were all laughing like a bunch of very silly people.
**********

Back to being pissed off again.

2009-05-20T06:48:00.000-07:00

Random
I am home! In the bus, as I chilled out to the songs in my MP3 player, I thought of my (electric) guitar class. Haha. :) I reflected upon how much I have learnt.. how the guitar used to be such an elusive instrument to me... what can all those strings possibly mean? And now, I have even understood how to tune my guitar (easy for experts, but accomplishment for me! :D). I can also play some stuffs. Of course, I still have a very very very very long way to go to actually be a good player- but that's skills for you; either you practice to be good or let the knowledge you attained, rust without being applied. I will try. I was very much inspired to pick up learning guitar from a certain incident that took place sometime back. I was going slightly under then, and I have .. say, lost sight of my ground for a while. But some bad stuffs are actually blessings in disguise; I found myself yet again, with a slightly more refreshed vigour. Losing myself in work was not sufficient. So I thought of making myself extra occupied by picking up a new skill. And somehow I am glad. Music has always been my <3.
------
FOURTEEN! =D And just about 7 more full days of work before I can ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.
But these two weeks are just totally nuts! Regular duties plus the additional duties... goodness! At times like these, I wish I could split myself into two or three. Haha. I can do it!

2009-05-17T07:42:00.000-07:00

17.

days to go! woohoo! hurrah! yeay! at the same time, this translates into 10 more full working days

before i go on... as ed calls it.. my "sabbatical". :D

***

here, i bid adieu to my touristy weekend. today, it started with Singapore Botanical Gardens, followed

by a trip down to the Esplanade and then the Marina Barrage? Something like that, ended by

dinner at KTM. the best part probably is i did not get much work done. :D but i do realize that

i am getting to be a shower freak. hahahaha!

2009-05-16T06:20:00.000-07:00

Rude
I totally detest lateness. I mean, okay, it is not that I am punctual all the time.
But consider this: being late for a private & super intimate wedding affair.
Actually arriving after the event is over. It ended at 3pm. And some people
actually arrived at 3.15pm. Lucky, some of us were hanging around, chatting
with the bride. And these people! Like what the! Seriously, what the! Out of
total respect for them as guests, the host of course stayed behind and ensured
that they were served a bit of food. If they want to complain after that, fug it.
They were late. They deserve it. Obviously, it was made known the actual
ceremony would commence at 11am. Lunch will begin after the ceremony is over,
ending sharply at 3pm as this is a booked event. I really dont know what these people
were thinking. Feel like smacking their heads one by one. Argh!!! So, what?
Are they just there for the food?
****
Nevertheless, I wish the new couple all the happiness they deserve. :}
After that, it was pretty aimless shopping and a *eat til you grow fat* dinner
session. GOODNESS! but it was fun fun fun naturally.
****
EIGHTEEN. can you believe it?! =D

2009-05-12T06:28:00.000-07:00

what is burnout?
i
do
not
want
to
think
about
work!!!!
*well at least for tonight.

2009-05-09T06:08:00.000-07:00

Checklists

oh. my. goodness. the countdown is getting incredibly exciting!

twenty-burp five! =D i have just come up with a final draft of my packing list.

i love checklists. i have also decided not to get like so much of new stuffs

just because i am going away. will use the stuffs i am already comfortable

with. this also of course equates to the need (read: opportunity) to shop there. =p

2009-05-08T07:15:00.000-07:00

Highway Star

He: "So I see that you are happy today."

She: "Well, can't I be happy without a reason?"

He: Yeah lah, but why?

She: Because I am contented.

He: Hrm.

Me: >_<

Honestly, can't one be happy without an explicit reason? What if you just reach this

state of contentment within yourself? *sigh*

At the moment, I just feel very contented. And at this point, relaxed after a nice long shower,

doing the girlie stuffs, blah blah blah. And currently listening to Deep Purple's Highway Star. Man, the

guitar part is solid! Impressive. I still believe this old rock is really THE rock. Maybe someday I can play the guitar part for this song? Hahahahaha! Riiiiiiiiight.. *I CAN DO IT!!*

May is going to be a crazy month. It's like the last "step on the gas pedal"

before a :) :) :). But who says I still can't have fun?

Already am. :p

After all, work is work. You still have to live your life.

2009-04-30T06:11:00.000-07:00

Is there a need to be in a state of panic to prove that you are busy? haha! i managed to stay calm and collected, and even spent a few minutes in between sending personal emails and STILL get the job done. well. :) *pats on my shoulder. haha! it was a totally tiring day. by the time i left my workplace at around 8pm, i was dragging my feet. i was surprised i actually managed to even reach my doorstep.

the beginning of my 4 day weekend is RIGHT NOW! woohooo! have been up to my eyebrows with stuffs that it feels so surreal that tomorrow is May Day! my boss was like... why are you on leave on Monday when you are going to be gone soon?! Hahahaha! But - haha, that is an advantage of being where I am :)- the disadvantage is i get "nagged at" first when there are issues to settle on the school level. i am definitely going to SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP on Monday! WAHAHAHAHA! High tea this weekend.

WooHooO!

i feel like sleeping right away. haha.

this whole swine flu thing is just so bleargh. the truth is, because the focus is now on swine flu, i feel everyone has turned paranoid... suspecting every cough to be a symptom. Yeah yeah, prevention better than possible death, but still. It's like HFMD.. back then it already existed.. but attention wasn't given to it UNTIL someone died. then now every case is being tracked... making it seem all the more threatening.. haha. you ARE reading a blog of someone who ever contracted the ulcer-titis disease. >_<

anyway.................... 33 MORE DAYS!

2009-04-27T09:29:00.000-07:00

The Quiet Fury
Jaded. Just sick of you and your ego. Your paradoxical nature. Your contradicting views.
I would just love to see how you are going to live up to your word.

2009-04-26T07:06:00.000-07:00

epäjärjestelmällistyttämättömyydellänsäkään.
this is possibly my latest favourite phrase. hahaha! :) anyway the day was productive,
and i spent a good deal of the evening holing up in the library with a cup of steaming hot
chocolate. yummy. but i think the barista was too generous with the chocolate- so it became
icky towards the end. haha! i think i can practically live in the library. one of my top three
dream post-retirement jobs; to work in a library, a chocolate store or a bookstore. hahaha!
Leave the rat race to the rats. I shall content myself with the smell of knowledge.. and chocolates.

2009-04-25T07:45:00.000-07:00

Grouses
the above title actually reads: Grouses. why anyone would use Webdings as a font is beyond
my comprehension. today's blog entry is largely going to be one of rants and grouses. first, i hate
the weather. "Okay Gaia, I get it. You are warming up now." I was at my grandma's house, and
when I left her place to grab a cab home, I started to perspire. Sticky and icky. Urgh! I hope this weather
goes away soon because my eczema is acting up and I am getting bad migraines. Damn it.
Second, the hanging out at my grandma's. Haha. Not that I am complaining... my aunt plays a really good host. But I dont know why.. everytime I am there.. my brain goes into zombie mode. Third, I better practice harder on the guitar- my instructor is so fierce that sometimes, I feel like I am in an exam room every week.
Lastly, I should TRY HARDER. I think I am going to chant this mantra to myself every morning when I wake up. And oh! oh! I am so excited- Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince- coming out on the 16th of July! I have watched every single movie of HP- make that 5 of them, and so I resolve to watch every one of them.
Nevertheless, even before watching it, I guarantee the book is better- nothing beats the mind! The release comes at the most perfect timing ever. And oh! THIRTY NINE more DAYSSSS!!! woohoo!!!!!!!! I remember starting count at a number near 100. and now..!

2009-04-22T07:35:00.000-07:00

You're the Storm

Ah.... 42 bottles of Kylie's Showtime. Yum. I can make that an everyday indulgence. :} I just returned from my music class. It is getting slightly more stressful- but with the stress, comes the fun! As we are playing more songs, and the chords ... I hate chords. But like the teacher says... "it all comes down to the roots." I think he was referring to the foundation. But it is true. So, I shall persevere. And practice when I can. AHHHHHHH!!! Today, we played Linkin Park and Eric Clapton. Argh. As I said, stressful.. but fun! Haha.

---

The weather is horrid of late. In fact, I don't think this weather is even normal for Singapore. It is so hot that I have resorted to bringing my shower essentials to school, so that I can shower during my break time. On days that I forget, it truly felt like I was running a marathon through the day. Gee. >_<

---

2009-04-17T04:42:00.000-07:00

The Unexpected Return

Wow. The last time I blogged was in 2007... and I was blogging about how long ago that was. Unfortunately, Life caught up with me so much so that I had no time {excuses!} to put it down in words. It is all retained in my mind. But, honestly, thank goodness for this blog- I actually went to my dashboard... and checked out blog entries dating all the way back to 2004. Very nostalgic indeed. I saw how I pined for the ex- completely worthless and a big waste of time. And then there was a bit about Mr Anonymous. Completely laughable. But it is true. What I wrote remains true til today. He was the most amazing friend I ever had. Our highly witty banters were really, seriously very witty. I recall, how I actually laughed out loud in the library. The library! But that aside, he was always listening, always very encouraging, hardly criticizing. Hardly. Sadly, and truly sadly, we became caught up in our separate lives that we actually lost touch with one another. I wish him all the happiness in the world, nevertheless. :) Wherever you are right now... I know there is no way to return to that moment in time. That makes it all the more... precious.

----

I suppose there are so much updates for me to post. But since that would take 2 years, I guess we can forget it. Haha! In any case, I look forward to the long Labor Day weekend. I am taking leave on the 4th... so that gives me a 4 day weekend..!! And!!!!!!!!! which truly excites me- the teadot cafe at Tampines 1. GOODNESS! Like, finally! A tea place! So probably one can see me there more often. Sipping tea while doing work, reading, or just resting my feet after a day of hardcore shopping. LOL!

----

XOXO

2007-08-31T09:00:00.000-07:00

The 500-something Entry

It must be that Large Black Forest from Coffee Bean causing me temporary insomnia right now. Thanks to the endless supplies of vouchers which entitled me to rounds of coffee bean drinks (and the accompanying calories), even thinking of coffee now makes me want to hurl. I guess it is true that there can be too much of something.

Prepare for entry to include totally random details.

The quality of Teachers' Day gifts this year is pretty amusing. Three bag of gifts, which, surprise surprise, include a GUESS handbag! Shocked. I mean, it is totally expected to get teddy bears, flowers, cards, chocolates [and a hell lot of this!], etc. But a handbag, and a GUESS one at that? Now, I am stressed! [Children's Day gifts.. ehem.]

I still remember there was one time when I was still in formal school [ehem] where teachers were saying something along the lines of "Don't have to get us gifts." Hello! We totally deserve these gifts- I am not saying I EXPECT them- for the insane things we put up with the kids! Sheesh. And plus, it is totally odd to say "no presents this year, please"- like as if you expect them. [Secretly, I do like gifts. Haha. Who doesnt?]

Ahh. At this point, I totally need to say that today was quite an exhaustive day. Shopping can be pretty hard work- especially if you havent washed your hair. The last 7 words are especially true for me! If I dont wash my hair, I am going to get irritated somewhere down the day. And it happened, expectedly of course. Anyway, it also inspired me to get a new haircut- I was bored with the previous one and totally on the verge of getting an AFRO hairdo! But I didnt because I wouldnt want to freak out in front of the mirror each morning. =X

Ah. The past. I ran into my ex-boyfriend's brother- it was a teeny bit awkward because I suddenly didnt know what to ask. I also found out that the said ex has just gotten married. In any case, it is good that he has made himself useful. And that the family is well.

Work is getting insanely busy. And so I am superbly glad for this 3 day weekend. =D
I am not sure if I shut down my laptop now, I am able to get to sleep. But I have no other choice but to try! Sheesh.

Ta~

2007-08-06T06:36:00.000-07:00

Today

I remember studying Organizational Behavior in my Leadership Studies 2 years ago. And I also distinctively remember the phrase burn out and its symptoms. At that point, despite drowning in over 20 or more assignments and friendship scandals, I never thought I would reach burn out. I didnt think it possible for anyone to hit the slump.

But here I am. Teaching the graduating batch, preparing for the graduation ceremony and being part of the organizing committee for a nationwide graduation ceremony is seriously no joke. At first it did not seem too bad until today. As you can probably tell from the fact that I even bother to blog. I am doing everything except work at the moment. Bleah.

My december trip is helping me to keep my head up, though!!! :) wooohoOoo!!

2007-07-23T05:50:00.001-07:00

Untitled

I feel as though I have just skated over the weekend, without stopping even for a puff of air. And it is already Monday! Argh~ Horror! Lately, sleep is truly precious a commodity for me. And I hate it, because I have become that person who has to have enough hours of sleep, no less, no more.
Exhaustion is starting to seep in, I suppose, with all these events popping up now and then. I cannot wait for the end of the year, when all of this is over!!! In fact, I cannot wait for 2009. Heh~. But yeah, one step at a time. =D

I read the last installment of the Harry Potter series on the same day I collected it- the launch day of course. I cried over certain chapters. It is quite sad- and only true fans can understand this of course. Us who stuck til the very end, as Rowling herself mentioned. ;)

Anyway, I can hardly wait for my leave next week, because I am going shopping!!!! Alas!!!~~

Enough procrastination for now. I have to kickstart my script for the school play.
(When all I feel like doing right now is to s-l-e-e-p.)

Ah, teachers. The teaching profession is indeed the noblest- and the only people who can truly appreciate it are teachers themselves. The hell we go through, the love-hate relationship with our students, facing each day with a smile on our face but a grimace on our hearts. I dont want to pledge to be that model teacher, the legendary one, not in this light of day when this modern generation of students- of whatever education level- lack proper mannerisms, rude, arrogant, stuck-up.

Read so many teachers' blogs and profiles and all proclaiming, "I love my students!" Really??? Yeah, okay, if you say so. It is normal, you know, to say otherwise. To put that much pressure upon yourself is almost inhumane.

I love teaching, and at times, I marvel at my students' intelligence and creative quirks.
But for all it is worth, I feel like an overworked robot at times.

I digress.
Time to scoot. :)

2007-07-15T02:32:00.001-07:00

A Week Less

Some people chide blogging; calling it lame. It isnt, really. For some, it is a platform to advertise themselves or products, while for a great handful, it may just be another form of diary-keeping, on-line, of course.

Blogging is useful, in keeping past memories intact. For instance, I was just browing through past archives. I was amazed at the different emotions I went through. I was so surprised that I could actually be that angry back then. Over a certain episode of course. *winks.

6 more days to go! Thinking of a suitable hide-out place. This week will be pretty exhaustive. Meeting after meeting, and starting work really early in the morning will not aid much as well. I totally look forward towards the next weekend! Yeayyy!!! <:)

2007-07-11T06:28:00.000-07:00

Wingardium Leviosa!

I wanted to start off this entry by saying that I am returning to blogging after going on a hiatus for like, at least half a year. But then again, I might soon go into another hiatus again. Who can predict such things nowadays?
Anyway, I am pretty excited about this month- July, other than it being my birthday month, and having to be entitled to one birthday leave, [Who doesnt need a break once in a while? (",)], it is also the launch of the movie for the fifth Harry Potter book; Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. When I first read the book 2 years ago, I was not really enchanted by its contents, as I usually am by the writings of Rowling. I felt that Harry Potter had became less amusing, more temperamental and inconsiderate. However, considering that the seventh and the last book; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is coming out [also the third factor for July being such a happy month], I decided to do a bit of revision- re-reading the entire set of books from Book 1 all the way to Book 6. Upon second reading, everything- plot wise begins to make more sense, and naturally deepen my admiration for Rowling's amazing ability to be able to wove such an intricatedly entertaining yet logical plots in all her 6 books. The sixth book; Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince always made me feel a bit upset; the death of one of my favouritest characters Albus Dumbledore. Silly as it may seem ( to the unreal Harry Potter fans, yes ), I shed a fair bit of tears. It was difficult not to, as I had started reading Rowling's works since I was in secondary school. It was like I grew up with the characters, understanding their joy and laughter and of course, at this very moment in time, I just look forward to reading Harry's last journey to battling the repulsively evil Dark Lord and the even more revolting double-agent Severus Snape. [you should notice that i definitely did not bother bold-ing the last two names in this paragraph] =X

I never really liked movies that are made based on books because there are a lot of character developments that are usually missed out, and of course if the movie was made by directors who never really actually read the books, it is worst. The mind works in even more wondrous ways, I say. Nevertheless, I am watching the 5th movie tomorrow, and next Saturday, I am going to go totally MIA. At 7.01am, I am collecting my book and then disappearing off somewhere to finish up the story that very day itself. =D Yeahhh!

And of course, then, I look forward to celebrating my birthday. I find it very cliched an idea whenever someone tells me that he/she dont celebrate anymore because it has lost its meaning. I think that, whatever the age, even if you are celebrating your 50th birthday, you should BE celebrating that as well! It is your own happy, personal special day. :)

Cheersss!!!!
Til next entry, whenever that may be.

2006-12-25T02:14:00.000-08:00

Getting Technical

It has been quite some time since I have blogged here. Lately it is a fusion of the I cannot be bothered spirit and the work is tying me up excuse. Haha. 25 December is going to be over pretty soon! Sheesh! This means my happy 3 day weekend is ending. Oh, how sad. But no worries! 4 day weekend coming up soon! Hurrah! *jumps in manic joy* It is kind of sweet of some of my students to give me Christmas presents although I don't celebrate that. I even received some Crabtree and Evelyn goodies! =D

Lately, my mood is very gray indeed; I am neither really happy nor really sad. But I am not really in between too. =S At least, over the weekend, some issues have been sorted out. Oh gosh, I miss doing so many things!

The following MUST MUST MUST be done!;

- Z I N G D O !!!
- THE HOLIDAY!!!! :)
- Shopping!
- SCRABBLE!

I want to try chess but I am better at the online version one. Hehehe. :p
Anyway all these can be done at the end of the month- which is soon! Yeah! And 6 January! My adventure trip! Hurrrah!

And 2 more months- or thereabouts- to ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ shhhhh. :p

2006-12-15T04:19:00.000-08:00

Whipping up Storms
Jamie.
Ching.

Both are chefs. With their own restaurants. Both are good chefs. Now what's the difference? (apart from the fact that one is a boy and the other a girl.)

Granted that Jamie is cute, but it is difficult to understand his recipes sometimes. He doesnt explain his steps well and of course, him being a culinary expert in his own right, it seems that he whips up dishes without a care for his audience. Self-absorbed, maybe. Or maybe I am just the slow one here. Heh.

I like Ching better though. Although I think she can make do with a better hairstyle- hey, all that profit!- her dishes are great and inspirational to watch, not to mention, very easy to remember and understand.

Why am I talking about recipes here? Because I am suddenly pricked with overwhelming fascination with the kitchen. Suddenly everything in it looks sacred and precious to me. =S It all started one evening when my mother was too tired to cook and I took over. Yeay!

Been very busy lately. Too much preparation and planning that even when I am on leave, I am still thinking. I definitely miss watching movies. That relaxed, laidback feeling in the theatre. And the Holiday really makes me miss holidays when school was out for the semesters in poly previously. I cannot wait for the end of the month and my getaway early January! Something to look forward to.

Kind of bored, even though I am busy. I think I should think about changing my blog layout. But then again, I could be doing something more productive with the time spent on changing my layout. Arh. I must learn to shut off work when I am not at work.

Escapism.

2006-12-07T07:20:00.000-08:00

Long Way To Go

I had a rather interesting conversation with one of my students earlier today. With the most innocent and rather concerned look on her face, she asked, "Teacher, will you be afraid when you are going to give birth?"

I was taken aback. Naturally, of course. Who goes around asking that sort of question anyway?

So, in a nonchalant voice, I told her, "Well, I suppose I would be."
And her instant reply?- "Dont worry, your husband will be in the operating room taking care of you."

My expression then? Totally dubious.

Life lately seem to be moving in a really fast pace for me. I look forward to 2007 although it is an entire year filled with challenges and sure-to-come tribulations.

Beautiful things of the day;
1) The damn camp is over! ^^

2) Love abound.

3) Hearing "I love you" over and over again.

2006-11-24T03:21:00.000-08:00

* H e r m i t *

hello. the day was good basically because it's FRIDAY! :)
yesterday, i was overcome by a really strong feeling of something. it wasn't good though, but sweet gestures by some people made it easier to live through the days.

in the morning, this boy gave me a flower which he picked up on the way to school. it was a small flower, but it touched me, thinking of how he could be thinking of me. he was shy at first, but then he gave it to me later.

in the afternoon, this boy made me a sandwich. he had insisted on making me the sandwich. it was an open bread with a face on it. totally cute. and sweet, of course. thanks, boys, you made the end of the week a really sweet one.

and thanks to the girl who visited me everyday for the past week just to tell me I love you so much. I totally appreciate that... from the bottom of my heart.

perhaps this is also His way of telling me that as much as there is hatred abound in my life, there is no lack of love; it exists everywhere, even in the smallest of gestures.

now, excuse me while i chill out.

2006-11-23T07:54:00.000-08:00

Elusive is my middle name

But right now, here is my genuine cry for help;
GET ME OUT OF THIS FREAKISH NIGHTMARE RIGHT NOW!

a miracle is in order.

2006-11-22T01:19:00.000-08:00

The Gypsy Maid*

waddup.
life is pretty much warped of late. i have become a scarily organized planner. although planning is better than procrastinating any time of the day, it is still a painful process. i have also become a worrywart. therefore, the combination is fatal.
my views on certain matters have also altered greatly, regularly taking helicopter perceptions. for instance, my perfect idea of gourmet now is cadbury sandwiched between two pieces of Lays. beautiful sandwich, also subtly known as open self-sabotage. heh.
i embrace East-Asianism for now. *winks.
and i am perhaps more open about airing certain views now, although a good 99.98% of me is still a gray area. ;)

you see, circumstances in Life may change your views and perceptions on people and issues. but the person inside never really change much. in my opinion, the person that never changes and learn is in an even more sorrier state than the one who does, as per the adaptation theory. worst, the person who judges before knowing is ever more so pathetic.

2006-11-10T21:43:00.000-08:00

9-10-11

it feels a little weird, being free and not worrying too much. basically 2/3 of my workload is already completed, and today was the last day with my mentor. i was feeling sad when i said goodbye- he was one inspiring guy full of humor and a really darn understanding guy. the liberating sensation afterwards however, was ... FOOOOHHHH! :) spent a good deal of time @ borders and chilling out at bk, buried in a book.

two beautiful things of the day so far;

1) a completely enriching Saturday morning

2) me.

2006-11-06T06:45:00.000-08:00

Nathrach

i am not the type to actually be stressed; even though i may say that word sometimes, i dont actually feel it because someway somehow i know i can get through it. but this particular instance- yes, i am stressed.

poetry exams are next week. and it is difficult to deliver a Death-themed poem without putting myself in the position of the speaker. today, during informal assessment, though all my classmates thought i did great, my lecturer seemed to think i have lost it. you cant blame me, i cannot be carrying this burdensome depression around me all the time. he told me, in order to pull this poem off, it will have to take a lot out of me; and i know exactly what he meant.

it wouldnt be difficult to do so, if it were a few years ago. but i am just way numbed for these sort of emotions already. in fact, i see these emotions as things i can put aside and get over with in due time and if i try hard enough (and inevitability plays a strong role too). so, in order to score in my exams, i will have to summon the terrible memories of the past.

............

As an aside, i just find it pathetic when a girl asks forgiveness from her friend and expects to get that forgiveness JUST BECAUSE she asks it (like what the heck, big deal!). it becomes even more pathetic when she doesnt get that forgiveness she was seeking for and, right on the very spot, called the unforgiving girl a bitch. the idea here is that this girl probably wasnt sincere in the first place. if the sincerity was unquestionable, no matter how hard a time the other girl was giving to this girl, she would definitely take it-since it was her mistake after all. saying sorry and then expecting a miraculous turnabout is just way out of the question.

know why you are saying sorry and.... mean it.

...........

Back to the main story, the two beautiful things in my day were;

1) When A-Rui hugged me.

2) Handing up that 90 page individual portfolio, like, FINALLY!!!!

2006-11-05T07:49:00.000-08:00

Annahaseyo!

Just felt like it. =)

2006-11-05T07:14:00.000-08:00

poor Hugh. poor poor poooooor Hugh.

Ridiculousness!

it strikes me as amusing whenever my sister said she is sorry and then getting frustrated when i cannot be bothered to entertain the entire drama. it makes me wonder- was she sorry in the first place, just because i was being difficult? i have no idea. *winks*

human behaviors continue to be unfathomably amusing. that aside, i watched The Prestige today. it makes good literature; sadistic, full of ironies and underlying meanings are all abundant in this aristocratic-like English society. oh so John Donne. i found the movie quite disturbing. but all in all, it is good, plot-wise. none of that mambo jambo speed up to the climax and then throwing wet blankets on the show. thank goodness.

Two beautiful things of the day;

1) Hugh Jackman .. *hehehe*

2) Hugh Jackman.. *hehehe*

HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEH!!!

2006-10-31T06:18:00.000-08:00

Overheat

it has been said that thinking about something is ten times more stressful than actually doing it. and i usually think about something ten times. now, perhaps that explains my bouts of dizziness- seeing my room spin 180 degrees, no matter how much i willed myself to see straight.

been thinking a lot lately. really thinking. i think that Life is speeding away so fast, passing us without giving heed to much red lights. it's like an expressway now. and that scares me. like people are taking degrees so that they are ahead of the pack; is that the best reason to take a degree? or because it is just the next logical step? i don't know. people live way too fast for their own good; missing the whole point about living Life. hrmmm.

i give up looking at my pc. i need to have a good shut-eye.

au revoir~.

2006-10-29T01:34:00.000-08:00

The Need for Revenue exceeds the Need for...

actual optimal state of health of human beings in general. if there was a vote whether to ban cigarettes completely, i would be the first- and i would even send in about 1000 more votes.
but this disastrous addiction actually rakes in money for all countries- smokers scrimp and save to purchase that last stick. so perhaps this is where the importance of keeping the sales come in. though i totally disagree.

i can never breathe in the presence of cigarette smoke. i get restless, agitated and more importantly, i get breathless. i feel choked. and yet inconsiderate smokers just puffed away happily around me- even some of my family members do this. i abhor this.

i don't get it at times- when smokers turn inconsiderate. if they wish to take the direct route to Death, why drag along other people who are non-smokers- sensitive non-smokers, at that? worst still, some of these non-smokers may even be their own children, their wives, parents and so on. this untactful nature of smokers make me feel like snatching those cigarette sticks and poke their eyes with them. urrghhh.

and i don't apologize for typing this entry, suppose if there are any smokers coming across it. point is; go far far away from us non-smokers. give us our right to live- and breathe. thank goodness for the latest governmental effort.

Alhamdullilah.

2006-10-28T23:10:00.000-07:00

Teh Tarik Satu Ah Brader!

nearly fainted at compasspoint yesterday. *haha* *shakes head*

all that nasty shock aside, im really taken aback at the fact that Daniel is going away in 2 weeks!- just at the same time as i'm leaving too. well, whatever his next plan is, i am sure that he will do great!

saw The End @ Borders. but i don't like to buy books, as i read way too fast to absorb the full value of my money invested. haha~ and so i have been logging onto the library website everyday- i think it will be on the shelves only in November. *sigh*

The Prestige! I want to watch! I wonder why these two are always coupled together lately. hrmm~ *ponders*

Two most beautiful things of the day;

1) Time spent with Daniel and Elizabeth. All those stupid jokes. Ha-ha. You would think it was a bunch of children giggling guiltily. I dig wit.

2) Alfred.

Annyeonghi kyeseyo!

2006-10-25T22:59:00.000-07:00

Baked

waddup. going to work today felt ultimately surreal. there was almost no transition from my laidback 5 work-free days to a full work day. it also did not help that prior to waking up for work, i had a dream which was completely medieval in nature. in fact, my dreams lately are pretty medieval. it is odd, because it was bizarre to be virtually living in the 1880s and waking up to 2006. because of that, i am now nursing a bad headache.

as an aside; i found this:

"What puts the chick in chick lit? The heroine is either looking for Mr. Right or getting over Mr. Wrong. She's in a dead-end job or is looking to climb the corporate ladder. She often works in public relations, advertising or for a women's magazine. The tone is often light and funny. The story usually is told in the first person. By novel's end, the heroine usually has worked out all her problems and has learned important lessons about life."

Haha. so so so true.

2006-10-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

I still don't like webcams

true enough. i have always questioned the use and necessity of webcams since its first creation. it seems to be only mostly useful for chatters- even then, what is the point of looking at someone looking at the screen to type his replies? so, i never am interested in purchasing webcams. but since this lappie of mine came with a webcam, naturally i have to explore the functions yeah?
i think it is pretty cool although a little impractical. video calling is so much better!^^

the delicate balance of my scales have altered slightly. a few days ago, i had felt so broken. it was pretty bad then. but now, it is all good. :)
i made some delays in plans, postponement of others and created some more.
i guess i should not feel so beaten up about my life journey. i should be thankful of the fact that i know where i am going (do i?) even though they may be just some semblance of ideas.

so it is all good now. from now til the next time i feel broken again, i shall keep these gathered thoughts in mind. (such is the vicious cycle of life.)

in any case, i look enthusiastically forward to next year! :)

Annyeonghi Kyeseyo!

2006-10-22T23:55:00.000-07:00

Sarang in ga yo!

*cheer!* it is Hari Raya tomorrow!
the fasting month, like any other month, flies far too fast.
and we move on to the next day, the next week, the next month.
the next year.
i wish at times, we are allowed to slow and still certain moments in our lives.
to ponder at length the beauty of a single moment, or that period of time.

Silence is the sea, and speech is like the river.
The sea is seeking you: don't seek the river.
Don't turn your head away from the signs offered by the sea.

to my Muslim friends, Selamat Hari Raya.
Hope your fasting month had been a fulfilling and victorious one. :)

2006-10-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

waddup.
my brain is on hiatus right now, but it also refuses to hibernate.
it refused me that great favor.
it is excruciating to yawn.
it is torturous to have this watery pair of eyes.
it is absolutely murder, feeling like i am hanging by a thread.

i want to sleep!

i am now swinging between notbeingabletosleepbutcannotdoworkbecausemybrainisinactive
and wantingtodoworkbuttheentirebeingisrefusingtocooperate.

2006-10-21T07:22:00.000-07:00

"... Name
This ...
... Game"

Ah. Alas. I have something to wear for Hari Raya. Finally took the time to shop for something-even if that includes being in complete perjury for 2 hours. Imagine standing in almost still air with a little over a hundred other persons surrounding you. Nauseating? I almost threw up.
But that ordeal is over!

Had chicken karaage bento set for break-fast. :) Have been fully resting since Friday night- 5 and a half workLESS days! *cheers!*

Excuse me now while I prepare a pot of caffeinated liquid. Drama marathon coming up.

2006-10-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

"Sudoku...
... Sudoku
Sudoku..."

why the gingercakes am i stuck on sudoku now? i was just talking about it with a good friend of mine two nights ago when i decided to download the software. and i became addicted to the game already, moving from the easy level to the medium- i dare not try the hard level as yet. it is funny to be addicted to sudoku - if you look at it from a helicopter point of view, this game is really about the logic of numbers. but then again, that is the beauty of it. a logic game of numbers 1-9 and yet there are almost infinite possibilities of number placements! sheesh^.

this is such an unnecessary statement but i think i am beginning to like some korean dramas. hrmmm~. it's like they can be pretty sappy but not too sappy that it might get too emotional but yet it can touch certain parts of your heart without compromising your previously withheld beliefs on some issues- and having cleancut looking actors with pretty hair never hurts the eyes of viewers too. :)

hehehe. time for a dvd- hunt. *sheepish*

2006-10-17T22:38:00.000-07:00

Rice

When your heart is dark as iron,
steadily polish yourself
that the heart may become a mirror,
a beautiful shine reflecting from within.
Although iron is dark and dismal,
polishing clears the darkness away.

2006-10-17T07:27:00.001-07:00

Benevolence, Wisdom, Courage

halted Anna Karenina for a while- hey! that book is worth over 1000 pages okay!- and read Confucius instead. *haha* really, laugh at that. Confucius. i remember making fun of that old guy. me and my friends would come up with stupid lines such as.. "in order to get over the mountain, you have to... get over the mountain" with very solemn faces. *haha*

so well, Confucius, in not so many words- alot actually, changed my mind about him in just about an hour. i was honestly amazed at how deep his thinking went into- and when i was questioning a line he just stated, my question was answered in the next chapter. cool, huh?

two beautiful things;

1) Confucius -honestly.

2) W H telling A, "I won't let you scold her!" (her, meaning me) sweet.

2006-10-16T08:04:00.000-07:00

Pride and Prejudice

Anna Karenina keeps me awake at night, of late. This Russian classic is truly something. The themes and the feelings that the characters go through seemed modern, despite its aristocratic background. :D something else is keeping me awake as well; this Duracell bunny inside me- for some reason it hops all day and almost all night. i get restless when i am resting. strange.

There may be more than two beautiful things today;

1) a classmate whose command of English is impeccable, actually asked me, "Were you an English major? Did you take literature?" For some reason those questions made me happy. alas my college education proved itself useful in the long run. then again, i have always been a literature baby. words speak to me.

2) giving a talk on public speaking without using my notes at all. i had contemplated using my notecards, but then i went ahhh just do it without those cards. i managed to engage my audience anyway. the trick? talk to the audience on their terms. :)

3) having one or two of my students telling me "I love you" in earnest. and you just know that those words can't possibly be a form of deception.

4) satisfying my rare craving for Pepsi. (shite, how many spoonfuls of sugar were there?)

5) being on top of things for now (thanks to the Duracell bunny inside)

6) the mind maps that my brain beautifully conjure when i was in the train

Boogie!

2006-10-15T07:15:00.000-07:00

Sha La La Laaaa!!!

hello.
*waves happily, jumping up and down, throwing a bit of confetti in the air.*
haha. the joy of a phone call.
it may not mean much in the long run, but for a while, the significance of that call
carved a smile on my hardened face.

two beautiful things of my day:

1) that call.

2) completing 85% of my work. :]

hurray hurray!

2006-10-14T02:01:00.000-07:00

Energy without the Redbull

*waves* hello! i am actually sick. quite weak and listless. however i just can't seem to rest. i would turn to the right and arrange my library books. then i turn to the left and arrange my work-to-do in order. so i give up. i get up. and hopefully get some work done, tire myself out and rest by obligation.

during one book review presentation, a classmate said this, "you can be whoever you want to be in your Life, but without love, you are nobody." Corrections. i don't think you can be just anybody you want to be because without hard work and all that jazz, being the somebody you wish to be will be just a reality in your head. the human being is perfectly able to adapt and accomodate their wants to their needs. a normal person will not want to be lonely; and he thinks Love is the answer to end his loneliness. politically correct; but some people tear themselves apart for Love. i have seen "true love" and true love. i have no qualms with the latter but i also know, that occurence takes up probably 10% of the entire human population. even people who already married have their regrets. deep in their souls, lurk statements such as if only had given that other guy a chance instead or if only i had waited a little bit longer before getting engaged. therefore i question the whole authencity of Love.

ahh.. two beautiful things in my day;

1) stationary shopping with mother

2) knowing within myself that things will work out on its own
someday

2006-10-13T06:52:00.000-07:00

Popcorn with a twist

oh hello. realised i didnt blog yesterday. probably because i was far too relaxed and i was also too lazy to take my laptop out. point being is in a fit of rebelliousness, i have ceased to do any work reports as of wednesday night, after my class. *haha* and today, i set a record of watching teevee from evening til 11pm. *throw confetti everywhere* yeay!

onwards, i have also since discovered a feeling worst than having your heart broken (which of course can happen due to many reasons like the death of a pet hamster, the killing of a cockroach, etc).

that feeling is sluggish.
erggggggggggghh.

though i do find it odd that i am feeling sluggish when i can swear that all my work and travelling done in a week are eating away at me. no, im not complaining. im just whining. honestly.

and today is Friday. and usually it would mean pretty. today it meant abrupt and undesired repulse-inducing shift. which is probably why i never really did notice that it is Friday today.

all those aside, the two beautiful things;

1) not doing any work and perfectly not worried.

2) having a wonderful break-fast feast.

and now back to slacking.
i only hope this sluggish feeling dissolve soon.

2006-10-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

The Hero Who's Always There...
But I was hardly there for him...

the plan was to get home after classes, continue my reports and sleep feeling satisfied. but after everything that has happened today, i think the best plan is; get home after class, forget about the reports and sleep feeling equally satisfied. :]

at noon, i received a call. under normal circumstances, the call would be sending me jumping up and down in whoops of pure unadulterated joy.
but under my circumstance, my heart sank.

anyways, i am going to call it an early night.
but before that, two beautiful things in my day;

1) finally borrowing Anna Karenina and then happily discovering the novel contains 1002 pages- possibly a bit more. i have done nearly 800 plus so I am sure pushing it a little further won't be half bad.

2) a close friend saying this, "it is very important to me that you feel okay." thanks darl.

2006-10-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

Stealing... Time

eventually there is this need to blog. the need to pen (type, rather) thoughts that belong to me- for me- not others. done with about half the load of reports- don't worry... there's MORE!
i have been surviving (not that well, i must say) on 4 hour sleeps daily. reading, typing, thinking,
analyzing... and all that jazz! i think there is this half-mad look on my face now- i won't be surprised.

i have come to realize that i work well with classical music or bossa nova. thanks, maks. *haha*
now it is time to sleep because it is 2 minutes away from the start of my 4 hour sleep.

but first, the two beautiful things of my day:

1) completing half the stack of reports

2) stationary shopping

most times, we are the best enemies of ourselves

2006-10-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

Two beautiful Things

I was logging into my blogspot last night when I was attracted to this Blog Note- Three Beautiful Things. Basically the author of the blog noted the three beautiful things that she had experienced daily- and I think that is very essential in all of our lives too. Much too often, we let our days pass without us once reflecting on them- too busy chasing the big dreams, and letting the small achievements, fade into the yesterdays.

So I feel that I want to try do the same. Think about my day and note two beautiful things that take place in my Life. So here goes:-

1) Eating a tuna sandwich for my dinner.

2) Borrowing A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon- he's also the writer who wrote The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.

2006-10-09T00:05:00.000-07:00

Lunch Bytes: Sleeping is an Art

my work is neverending. the process of one work and the other is only separated by Time and Space- but that does not mean i will not take my time out during lunch to nap! wahahahahaha!!!

amidst my nap today, however, i was rudely awoken (as long as someone stir me from my sleepy stupor, it is rude) by one of my colleagues who said, "We can go in for the talk now." so imagine me- in my absolutely sleepy stupor- "talk? what talk?" was ringing in my head but nevertheless, i went into the room.

"hello ah. we are people from this non-profit organization ah who do research ah on depression ah. we have machines ah to test whether you are having high stress level ah..."

im sorry. it's just that when a bunch (trio) of people come in to give a talk- i thought it would be so natural for them to speak normal English- their language need not be superior- but she was happily peppering "ahh" all over her talk.

and the test she administered made use of this shock machine. i put my hands on this silver object and then i felt this strong electric jolt through my hands. i instantly pulled away. so i said, "its okay. i dont want to go through with this." and my friend did it. and its like in front of everyone she said, "your blood circulation not good ah. you must exercise." that's acceptable, i feel.

then her comments to another friend: "wah. that means ar your head shot already ah. must see us in the clinic." [what the hey!!]

but whatever- i finished my chronicles of Narnia - although its just the first 3 parts- it's well over 700 pages! *winks*now, back to the studio.

2006-10-07T23:14:00.000-07:00

Secret Recipe

yesterday-because i was ultimately restless by the fact that my book has not arrived yet- i borrowed the Chronicles of Narnia. it was not until i got home that i realised the book only covered the first three parts- 4 more to go. sigh. as yet again, the book is much better than the movie. although i have to agree the director of the movie has made a rather successful summary of the entire chronicle. :}

one of my close friends actually did some readup as to why my gastric attacks had become so severe- my overconsumption of tea. oh wells. even though tea is generally better than coffee, but overconsumption can eat away at the intestinal walls. hrmmm~ i guess back to Evian now. haaa~.

this week must be the meeting of old friends. *winks* boy, i am so tired of typing away already. been up since morning finishing up documentations. anyway, last Friday i was appointed the Documentation Consultant. it is really funny- in fact in my head i was chuckling out loud. to me, it is just a matter of effort and creativity- the willingness to be creative. funny.

one more album to go!

2006-10-06T15:15:00.000-07:00

_blue balloon_

6.13am. feeling the need to sleep. but can't. the mind is cluttered, the heart disappointed. at times, no matter what, we can't all be Superman. at this moment, i do wish, however, that in the library, there is a book that has all the solutions and answers to all universal questions. but that, just like a human flying with his hands, is a remote impossibility.

which brings me to the next point. my reading has slowed down for a while because of the various other obligations i am required to fulfil- at this point, i wish i have an extra set of detachable hands. but that, as yet again, is a remote impossibility.

[and oh, don't worry. the Reunion went fine. expectedly. were you hoping it won't? *lol*]

Saturday! my favorite day.
i feel sleepy now. *yawn*

2006-10-06T09:36:00.000-07:00

Dido's lament

Next mission: *dirge of cerberus*. a costly affair, this would be indefinitely. but all for love. *haha*

the haze is really bad today. on the road, it was like we were driving through a big melting dry ice. and the haze is really getting to my eyes. i hope it all clears away very soon. the fire in whichever country that is, must be really bad because i can see the haze hanging right outside my window. *yeay* :/

i realized i have to work on that part of the plan soon. because my worst nightmare is evolving into a form of reality.

and this weekend and the 7 weekends to come are going to be completely nut-house. journals, documentations, lesson planning, research, reviews, talks, chorale speaking... anymore? as if my experience being institutionalized hasn't seen enough of those nutty moments.

java chips, someone?

2006-10-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

tactile love_tosca*

i am running on autopilot mode of late.
i hope to be able to grab one or two venti javachip frappucinos or black forest ice blended along the way.

hurray for the return of the Phantom.
theatrical love never dies.
but when will my croatian hero ever return.... sigh.
that love, too, cannot die.

this tale that is neverending
whimsical fantasies
pregnant with your pretending
swirling in layers
colors so opaque
your words too bold
but its meaning way vague
in this tale that is
endlessly spinning
perhaps it is merely us
that is coming
to an
ending.

2006-10-03T09:59:00.000-07:00

Little Nicky & Her White Dress

They said she couldn't dance
Nicky and her one pronged stance
Nicky and her two left feet
Nicky who couldn't count her beats
And the One she counted on
Was not the one she could rely on
She bought a white glittery dress
It made her feel oh so pretty
It made her feel oh so princessy
But he said
It will soon lie in a heap on the floor
It makes you like you were four
Pages flew
Years crept slowly by
Nicky in her white glittery dress
She need not dress to impress
Every move she made surpassed the best
No other word could put that to
a test
He stood up
Clapped along with the ovation
With tears in his eyes
He said
"I am so proud of you."
She smiles and say
The One who laughed
Wasn't it you?

2006-09-29T23:14:00.000-07:00

...Huh? Sorry, Kinda Distracted.

My IT is here. It's beautiful but still nude- bag alert! It's making me nervous actually. Like as if I have been given this huge porcelain glass vase which had once been broken and plastered together- and now it's my responsibility to take care to not break it- it makes me feel like it's permanently teetering on a thin silver wire- and i am below it, waiting with a big cast net. *nervous*

On another note, recall that I totally blew this guy off when he tried talking to me. Well, to make amends for my rather weird behavior then, I took the initiative to talk to him today. And I guess at first he felt awkward. But I started commending his work and he started to relax- and asked me, "You smell really sweet today. What perfume are you wearing?" And then.. "Hey what happened to your finger?" Okay so is cool and I think I'm forgiven. *yay*

In total so far, I have read three gay books. And it is pretty interesting- their Love lives are similar to heterosexuals- but with that stroke of intensity. Scandals and the relationship wrecker stories also take place in gay relationships. But when they are in love, dude, the passion would melt even the Romeo and Juliet statues.

Oh, the NLB has given me a reply to my persistent request for The End to be on the shelves;
"Dear Miss Anna, The book that you requested will be on the shelves in 4 to 6 weeks time."
I checked the catalogue for months and it's only available in that amount of time! Dude! You gotta be kidding me! How difficult is it to place a book on a shelf?!

Okay. Bag-hunting commencing.. now!

2006-09-29T00:03:00.000-07:00

That Fight/Flight Response

Don't mind me, but I have a very strong urge to book a flight straight to
Osaka, Japan.

2006-09-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

Rage Against The Mesen

Emerald green light radiates
the peek of shimmer of
what had once been
Awaiting the grand thawing
of what had once been
It took just one snort
a cruel bout of laughter
And the ripple effect
Shifted its porcelain balance

Pray, let only the curtains of Time unveil.
but the memory of that will remain.

2006-09-25T07:50:00.000-07:00

Of Late

Of late, there have been a few pressing questions that have been pressing onto my head. These questions are none other than the general:

What the heck am I doing?
Why am I doing what I am doing?
What will happen to me later if I keep doing this?
Why am I even thinking about all this?
Will I ever be normal?

Other than that, I feel like re-reading my The Curious Incident of the Dog at Midnight (I think the title goes something like that). It's about this autistic child. I guess even the title makes sense. It is only he who is fixated upon finding out about this dog. But he is brilliant, nevertheless. Makes me sad each time I read this book, but it really is a good read.

I am done with Running with Scissors. It is a really intriguing memoir, I must admit, despite its very explicit details about issues. It compels you to think the advantages of being given the option to create your own Life your way and having no options all. A beautiful quote I have taken from the book;

The problem with having nobody to tell you what to do is, having nobody to tell you what not to do.

My Polish mate told me that there is a part two to this memoir. And I am not sure if I can get it in Singapore, because the book she read was translated directly from Polish. And really, that Freakonomics book is worldwide hit- even people in Poland (which I am not even sure where that is) are aware of it. :]

Time to hit the sack.

2006-09-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

E x o d u s

I would like front row seats please.
okay, that's all.
bye.

2006-09-23T05:37:00.000-07:00

Nostradamus

hello my world.
hello to A New World. :]

today was a strange strange day with Dan. too strange to be any stranger, in fact. but nevertheless, i find the entire time adorable as it had always been. :]

i bought my first grey shirt! and practically spent the entire day chilling, eating and Scrabbling- it's not chess, uncle.

i have been cutting a certain part of my life away for the past weeks- noticeably or not. but it had been a case of i saw and it supported my bad impression of the entire matter. and perhaps i have become less of a friend because of everything that has taken place. oh well.

there i go, talking in circles again.
i am looking forward to November.
and i am out of my wits looking forward to December! :]
i am thinking of buying the room spray from Ben and Jerry- it smells of cookies. but the catch is.. will my room attract ants then? hrm.

i am currently reading this memoir called Running with Scissors. it is pretty cool so far- a boy who loves dressing up, doctors and pretends the trees are cameras, capturing him. his parens, sadly, are psychotic. i finished the psych/econs book yesterday night. yeah i took a longer time to read this one, because it involved statistics and data readings as well. but it truly is an eye opener and a beautiful insight into worldly issues such as mafias, abortion, etc.

i hope that Maksim visits Asia again on his world tour. i don't mind travelling to KL if he is there- and not visiting Singapore for some reason. :]

2006-09-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

The End
not the end of this blog of course

I was becoming increasingly irritated, viewing the library catalogue time and again, knowing that the book is somehow somewhere in the dusty corners of shelves in Singapore but it is not ready for loan yet. So, I sent a note to the library services department. And then I saw a reply in my email! I thought it was a reply. But guess what it said? Dear Ms Anna, Thank you for your email. We have forwarded your enquiry to the acquisitions department blah blah~~ Like, right, how efficient.

and you know what. the boss just gave me another documentation report to do up. but i am given my own sweet time to finish it. i think. *haha?* but i am trying to finish it all up by tonight. and you know what? i doubt it's possible. my brain is shutting down any moment now.

3...
2..
1.

2006-09-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

my mix-culture love affair_*

have you ever been in a like-situation where supposing.. you love this boy and you are with this boy and you are happy and then.. comes along the one you have always had a crush on.. and the more random moments you spend with The Crush, the more you want to be with him and the more you realise where your heart actually is? And then.. comes The Offer.. and you just know you will be so happy- so much happier, in fact- if you take it up.. but then you can't- you just cant?

yeah. i am in that situation now. oh, how it burns me up each time i think of this and that.
argh.

in any case, i read about this pretty cool issue about the reverse effects between crime and abortion. surely, pro-Life believers are against abortion, so as people who are Pro-Choice who feel that abortion should be legalized. statistics have shown that the legalization of abortion is linked to the drop in crime rates. just imagine. mothers who want abortion, are mostly unwed mothers who just do not want the complications, and in most cases, they do NOT want the child. with that reluctance, the child will be brought up in the most undesirable manner- which may lead to the child to having a higher chance of becoming a criminal in the long run. but with legalized abortion, this likelihood is obliterated. i guess .. every single step we take in this world will always have its good and bad.

*sigh.

2006-09-19T07:18:00.000-07:00

tee hee hee hee hee hee hee. okay okay i am *mean*. the workshop today ended one and half hours earlier than intended. it is not exactly a workshop i wish to return to again- the trainer is a nice lady but!!!!!!! unlike the trainer on Monday, she commands attention so much so i don't even dare to visit the toilet. *haha?*

the other day, while i was in the library, searching for cute books- haha- i came across interesting autobiographies- that of kylie, robbie williams.. but the books were so thick i might as well be borrowing a historical archive of the french civilization. unless of course the biography is of Maksim Mrvica. i wonder if he is ever coming down to Singapore for a concert. or has he already?! sigh~~~~

i want to read this book- The End by Lemony Snickett- Book the 13th. It's not available in Singapore as yet, I suppose. It is already in the market, but darling NLB is talking its own sweeeet time to stock it here. this book is sad- all 13 installments are- but i love the guy's pessisimistic way of writing. beautifully tragic? yeah.

2006-09-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

Hot Potatoes

i suppose today is a c-okay day. i took a nap at work. it was raining and i couldn't help it. i hid and slept. haha. and then imagine, 20 minutes after i woke up, making coffee no less, this talk about the choreography came up. and the whole idea was? they need a lead. they need a lead. okay. okay, they need a lead. savvy?

and then i headed for my workshop in the evening- loved every bit of it. the trainer knows her stuff and that always is good. which reminds me- another workshop tomorrow. hurrah. which means i get to take a retreat from work for a day. =D don't get me wrong. of course i love my job. but even lovers need a holiday.. far away from each otherrrr~~ *haha*

anyway, i just loaned this book Freakonomics- The Hidden Side of Everything. now this is cool. thinker meets thinker and thinker reads a partnership of thinkers writing down- what i would consider the process of their thoughts. now that's an entire deal of thinking required. actually this book is a marriage of economics and pyschology slash philosophy. so it's cool. if the whole vibe is economics- sayonara book~. i'm still reading it though. i think i should upgrade my membership to that of premium.

okay. time to hit the sack.

2006-09-17T02:43:00.000-07:00

Hyuk Hyuk

ahah^. thewholeemotifiedprocess of yesternight is totally behind me, as soon as i woke up in the morning. i had made my decision. i had certified my choice. and i am not going to turn my back on it. yeay! :D

i still somehow cannot find Madonna's books- have they been annihilated for being disguisting horrid or what? libraries don't carry it.... do they? i really like Dr Seuss' works. evergreen- even an overaged person like me can still enjoy it.

the weekend came too fast, and went too fast! tsk. the library is one of the best refuges i have ever had- since i was a young tod. i came across two cool books-- one is Wake Up, Sleeping Beauty! a story of how two princes tried their darn best to wake up the sleepyhead, utilizing drills and cymbals and such.. and The True Story of The Three Little Pigs, a story with the narrator being the wolf himself who claims he had been framed. ahah.

workshop on tuesday! hurrah! being away from work once in a while can be really cool. hehehe. except i hate being in the business district in the mornings OR the afternoons.

An eye-smile is always better and sincere than a mouth-smile. For one, you can never lie about that twinkle in the eye. You may be mouth-smiling but your eyes are dead-panned. Now, that is a bogus smile. -Roald Dahl.

2006-09-15T22:32:00.000-07:00

The Mood Snuffed

waddup.

blame it on my numbish mood or stint of alienationism or whatever not, but i have just blown off this friendly guy who was trying to talk to me this morning. sigh. for the rarest time, i honestly went "errR.." while he went ".. urm, its okay, i understand.." and he looked embarassed before continuing.. "i see you on saturdays right? so i see you next week aite :)" sigh. guilty as charged.

********

so i was in school. and i was in the resource room. and i was spending sometime, selecting resources (obviously) when i came across what seems like the entire collection of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. [oh by the way, the movie version only covers book the first to book the third] BUT.. book the thirteenth [THE END] was not there! so i asked the guy who mans this room.he checked. really checked. and then.. *buzzer* no book the 13th.

shucks.
okay i'm going to plunge my face onto my pillow.

2006-09-14T02:59:00.000-07:00

His Love Supreme

hey y'all.

i was walking home from work earlier, and observing the environment around me. for a long time i have really admired the people living in my area. how different groups line up waiting to use the basketball court. how some set up their laptops in the garden area and did their work. an uncle who plays the keyboard for like, 5 years now. group of elders who practised their wushu and another group of enthusiasts doing line dancing. how this entire area is quiet but peaceful (in contrast to quiet but eerie).

ahh. contentment of the moment. let me savor this realisation before my entire life is taken over in the next few months.

not to mention, my room needs major cleanup. i have this feeling the whole room is going to transform into an Art studio pretty soon. sighs.

i am so tempted to take a nap. see ya later, alligator^.
oh, seeing Dan again this saturday! yeay! :D

Adam Levine rocks.

2006-09-12T22:31:00.000-07:00

Amazing Tomatoes

wassup^.

lunch blognote. received a happy news: to choreograph an eurasian wedding dance with infusions of hip hop. hurrah. i am not complaining. i just have like, nothing else to do, so this is such a good drop-in. okay, i am whining, but that could be because i need sleep- totally wiped myself out last night.

i want to grocery shop again. i think it is becoming a bigger thing (givemeabetterwordpls) in my everyday living now. :) wee hee. but i have to wait out before i restock supplies.

i finished the Nicole Richie book already. i think it is very Sweet Valley High, only much worst- and so glammed up. nice pictures, pretty nicole, a fair plot and an okay attempt. i want to check out madonna's book (all series)- let's compare. glammed up elderly does it better or the glammed up chick.

and i am looking out for the final installment in Lemony Snickett's A series of Unfortunate Events. i think, after 12 miserable episodes, they deserve a 13th (!!!) peaceful ending with some shot at happiness.

2006-09-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

Desert Lilies

waddup kaypohs.

today i was in a disturb me and i shoot you down with a harpoon gun kinda mood. my mp3 player died on me. and i had no time to go home and take my shower before class. and these things are of pivotal importance to me, you know! *haha* evening talk was marvellous. learnt loads- uber wonderful, yes yes. but evening was not too bad. i was done with Lemony Snicket's tragic tales. Despite his sour inclination to turn everything nice into total misery, some of the things he said were pretty amusing and quite thought-provoking. like,

the wickedest people are people who don't read.
i find that really cute though it is not necessarily agreeable,yes?

today i also found out about certain situations- which had confirmed what i had predicted months ago. and they make me feel so sick, sick, sick inside. anyhow, i am now onto The Truth about Diamonds by Nicole Richie. just curious to know if she can actually make sense in her first novel- 223 pages, quite a mean feat for a novice, yeah? i thought she should start with a children's book, like Madonna. i mean, a novel writer has to have brains yeah? oops.

told you i am in a disturbmeandyougetharpooned mood.

2006-09-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

Cockroaches in Sambal

Sunday was as smashing, if not, more productive than Saturday, I would say. And currently, just to bid my time waiting for July 7, 2007 (haha), I have been reading A Series of Unfortunate Events by the Sourpuss Lemony Snickett. Ooops. You can't blame me for saying that. I mean, who would get a thrill out of writing miserable stories about orphans who are already miserable, going through more miserable incidents and not having happy endings at the end of each installment of the entire series? Only Lemony Snicket could. He must be as sour as his stories.

Oh, of late, I have been feeling sick of eating the food I have been eating. It has come to that point where I go .. I know how this is going to taste like.. sigh. I need more exotic food. Like maybe fried grasshoppers served with chili padi, or crabs in squid ink soup. Yummy.

Okay, time to read The Penultimate Peril.

2006-09-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

My green field, with me in it. :)

A perfectly beautiful Saturday. I woke up early, did my work, had breakfast, read my new book in the garden with a gorgeous mug of hot cocoa drink and grocery shopping..! Ah. Accomplished and chilled. :)

I can't wait for the last installment of Harry Potter. It better be less political and as it is the last of the series, I sure hope Rowling insert good doses of humor- I know that Dumbledore has died, but I hope the book will not be too full of grief. I expect: secrets, mysteries that Dumbledore withheld, grief of course, musthavehumor, war! fantastical war strategies and spells galore! And the book better be thick enough to last me for at least 3 good days of reading. Books are never thick enough for me. I bought one thick-looking one yesterday and I am already done with it.

2006-09-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

Words Words Words

If let's say I were to blog here saying.. Oooh! I just came back from the most awesome party of the century! There was so much food to eat, I couldn't possibly have tasted it all! And the people! Glitz and Glamor! I was in my best party gear and in my highest stilettos, although of course, I still cannot reach the desirable 1.7m. Hehe. How does this make me sound? What is the image of me are you conjuring up in your minds? Partymonger? Night sleaze?

What if I said this... I cannot believe my solitary confinement has turned me into such an insane twerp, denying the rest of the world's connections, facing the four walls of my bedroom, conversing with myself- Blogger.com. How sad.... How do I sound here? Deprived of a life?

Or what if I said this... Damn! I was ten dollars short of buying that Espirit shirt! And it was possibly one of the nicest Espirit could ever design.- all their other shirts seem to share that spectacular similarity of shrinking in the laundry. Does that make me sound like the uber materialistic shopaholic, self-centered and all- when there is a world out there to save?

That's one thing about blogs, aint it. The words of a writer does not paint the writer's life, her principles, her attitudes towards Life in general. It portrayed her thoughts- she could be in a nonsensical, mindless, serious or ranting sorta mood. She could even be in gay mood or the rockbottom mood. But what do strangers or otherwise do when they stray across a writer's blog? One word which I suppose all of us are guilty of- judging. Thus, my disclaimer.

Ahh, enough of the political rants. Tomorrow is the most relaxed day of the week! - I hope!Haha. And then I shall troop down - march, rather, to the fair. I wonder what I can possibly hope to find at such an hour. But, I will try! Tee hee. Hope the network session is good.

No man is ever born an average man or a talented man. His efforts, or lack thereof, turns him into one or the other.

2006-09-06T02:29:00.000-07:00

choosing my cake
& eating it too.

my students are my best critiques et judges. blunt and honest. just the way i like it.
in fact, when they enjoy something, they really do. when they don't, they don't. good.

the fair! had been brought forward! ah. much to my dismay. hopefully i can steal sometime before or after my network session. the time and dates, though, are so ridiculous. do they think those juveniles are the only ones with purchasing power? bah.

this solitary confinement has actually done me tons of good. i have 3/4 recovered and paid a visit back to that, realising i actually feel okay. and that whole idea made me feel really good. and at the end, that matters most. :)

is it me, or is 8 days becoming bitchier for some reason. read the one with the open letter to joaquim. that is one heck of a bitchy article.

received an sms in the afternoon which made me go sigh sigh sigh sigh. i can only hope that it is not going to spiral into the lane of worst alternatives.

2006-09-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

Get Up, Step Up.

I am not entirely sure what has come over me since Monday. A 12-hour sleep! Whoa. The last time I had a 12 hour sleep was after a 3 day no sleep stint. Tsk. And then I went on a bingeing frenzy- I was constantly hungry! Eurgh. Whatever phase that my body has recently entered, I really hope it will end soon. :/

Thank goodness for the September holidays. This will be most relaxed week during work. Oh yes, the network session on Thursday. I have to bring something in to share, so that they will be able to take notes of the work I have done, and use it as some sort of an example? Feeling so lazy to go for the networking session. Not to mention the workshop in two weeks' time. *yawn*

Okay, nap time.

There are times when I wish I could just be normal for a bit

2006-09-03T03:52:00.000-07:00

Velvet Waldorf

Ah. After yesterday, I deserve a day out and some decent meals. Hoodie Hunt- checked~~~! Soup Spoon- CHECKED! Scrabble- checkmate! Although I personally would have preferred black over white- I do love white as well- washing though is certainly not easy, but eh.. I will try. My hoodie baby. I am quite the happy girl. :)

Now, all of that done, it's work. Thank goodness it's September holidays too. Next date to look out for! >> 9th September 2006. :D

Cheers!
Oh and I just thought of something. To that person, I just wonder.. how did you imagine to be a teachertobe from NIE and yet you have like.. the most closed mind ever? And may I suggest.. putting a paperbag over your head? Yeah, protect yourself from the dirt of the world. *shudder*

Suckaaaa.

2006-09-02T10:06:00.000-07:00

Bollywood Fever!

The event was okay with me, I suppose. Food... urh.. sucked- or was it just me who cannot take such food- okay maybe I don't go hand in hand with roasted lamb or raw meat peppered with spices. So, I went for soups and teas and crumpets (haha) and desserts instead. The spread was amazing, yes, but it is more amazing that I cannot take it all in.

Our dance was perfect. And perfectly synchronized. And it was almost effortless because of the amount of practise we had put in. I know I thought that everyone is so overly enthusiastic but today I find the entire team effort highly commendable. It is the unbendable team spirit that is really moving. We met at least 5 hours before the event time. Spent that much time helping each other to do makeup and hair (seriously I have never had this much glitter in my hair in my lifetime). Or spraying the hair spray at people's hair this much too. Or renting our own transport to bring us there so that we arrive as a team. :)

One of my colleague's mummy helped us dress up- and she was helping me pin my clothes when she asked me, "So, mesti sudah ada boy kan?" [translation:so u surely have a boyfriend right?] In my head I went here we go, the boyfriend interview. And my straightforward answer is of course as usual- No auntie, I don't want one. The 5-second look she gave me was priceless.

Hoodie Hunt and Soup Spoon tomorrow. Oh and the Scrabble Itch to be satisfied, yes. :)

Just tell yourself that I am gone.

2006-09-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

Killing Mockingbirds

I really don't know how I should begin this entry. Or if I should even type this entry down. Or to whom am I writing this down for? But perhaps, just to voice out my opinion. I just found out the so-called truth why my friend(ex? are we even still friends?) left us, me. It's because in their opinion, I am but a slut. Not because I sleep with guys, or I have 87349824 boyfriends (top reasons why one is called a slut) that it is so necessary to label me so. Yet if you know me well, I dislike guys/males/boys. (Sorry, you don't.) I am labelled in that manner because of the way I dress, and God knows what other so shit I did but I didnt know about? I have heard about judgemental people- people who classify others without actually knowing them and what makes them. But to actually meet a living example? Whoa mama~!

I don't know if I should say that I am offended. I should be, shouldn't I? It would have been natural. Even actual offenders would feel that way. But honestly, I am more amused. Months talking about you- truth is, we missed you amongst us. But when this truth came to light, it's like dude, you didn't even defend us in your mind. You never had faith in us. Never did treasure us. Were we even friends like we said we were? So we never forked out loose change to buy a bowl of instant noodles.. that wont make us friends? And here I am, as I was told about this truth, you know what I was thinking? Damn. How could they have pressured her so much so she turned into an impossible recluse?
So this is the kind of protection they thought they were giving? By cutting off her world away from her? None of your friends were ever perfect- they did shitty things too. But if we did mean something to you, you would fight back. Was it because it was just easier to shut off the world? Was it their say? Or yours? Ah.

And then I realised. If that is how it is to be, then so be it. We spent years asking, you spent years rejecting. At least I am proud of this- we tried. We fought and worked our ass off - even if desperately so, for what we believed in and wanted. You? You succumbed to a bag of opinions. You gave in to what they believe- perhaps you yourself did too. And if you are going to start on how I don't know the actual story? Shut it- because you are not exactly the Living Story I wish to read- you never read ours.

Thank you for the enlightenment. It made me feel blessed and proud of myself and my friends. :) Just one question though- who are you?

2006-09-01T01:40:00.000-07:00

The Itch

It certainly is difficult to be avoiding people. Ignoring them in order to take some timeout for your already taxed brains, arghh!!! I was checking my gmail when pop! his email came in. And as much as I am excited to read his message- this is rare- I clicked delete. I am proud of myself. And of course, here I am with thoughts of.. perhaps I should have just read it. Perhaps perhaps perhaps. But I told myself, if I am going to go through this at all, I should go through it til the end. I was thinking about it this morning.. in spite of the fact I do experience a certain healing element from all this fencing, it's certainly unhealthy, isnt it? *argh*

Friday alas! But of course I cannot sleep in, due to the fact that I am just so used to getting up super early for work and stuffs. Meeting the girls- whoopie! Always love this kind of Friday. Hee Hee~. :) The dance tomorrow- I certainly cannot understand why everyone is so hyped up and soOoOOoOooo overly enthusiastic about it- to the extent of discussion of accessories, hair and make up. Come on, people! Relax~~

I think it's high time for a nap! Hyuk hyuk.

Teaching is the profession that teaches the other professions.

2006-08-31T08:49:00.000-07:00

Happy Teachers' Day!

Back home, from the Devil Wears Prada. Hrm. On a scale of 5, I would give it a 3.5? I don't know. A pretty showoff movie of items from designer houses, that of Prada of course, and others such as DKNY, Jimmy Choos, etc.. and it goes on.

Okay, so I am going to drop the bomb here. Spoiler alert.

====

Movie is generally about a girl with some dreams to be a journalist. She has a nice, blah blah boyfriend and a good pair of close friends. Ended up in the fashion magazine publication as part of her step to the Dream Job. Boss is Dragon Lady. The girl is a fashion pee-wee. Girl falls for fashion, gets career obsessed, breaks up with boyfriend, had some "lifechanging moments", returned home after quitting job and be with boyfriend again.

Typical, no? The kind of movie that should be reminding you of the choices you make; the directions that you set for yourself are entirely in your own hands. Blah blah. Although here, I would say it seemed to be in her boyfriend's hands. True, you had your dreams. But that don't mean, you cannot discover passion in areas you never thought you could excel.

And the mister boyfriend? He is such the sucker. Just because she got a bit busy- he said, they dont have much in common- shes now into fashion & (he is into loserdom). I dont understand. Why must it be an either or sort of situation?

Well, I think I just convinced myself the rating should only be about 2.5. :) And in any case, watching any type of chickflick movies after a mad mad week is really a destressor. And now, I shall destress in bed.

Anna.

2006-08-30T22:24:00.000-07:00

Noblest Class Of Professionals

It was raining heavily this morning. Nevertheless, there was a certain air of merriment that embraced the entire school. It seemed as if spirits are higher and moods generally uplifted. And no, I don't know if it was the joy on their faces as they said, "Happy Teachers' Day!", their hands holding the little gifts they brought along that gave me this feeling of cheeriness. Was it the fact that tomorrow is a gazetted public holiday for us noble workers? Perhaps it is a mixture of everything- all I do know is it certainly is as cool as my birthday. *haha!* My first present of the day- Stitch! Wrapped bouquet-style. And I am touched by the parents' warmth and generosity to say the least. Ever since Monday, in fact, we have had chicken pies, cakes, pastries- you name it.

Or mayyybeee.. it is knowing that I -will- be watching Devil Wears Prada in a few hours time! =D And checking out my shirts. Yeah! You know, this whole stayaway stint of mine seemed to be working a certain healing effect upon me really well. I feel relaxed, soothed.... ahh.

You were always the mysterious one
With dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care

2006-08-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

You were always the mysterious one.

Latest entry comes with a new layout. Y'all like it? No? Really. I don't care, though. *chuckles. Perhaps I am just not being fair to Blogspot here, because the reason I am actually blogging here again is because I am staying away from myspace.com and msn messenger for a while. You know, running games. Here and there. There and here. I intended to set up a new account actually. And then I thought, what the heck. Let's just go on from here.

As far as I am concerned, my week has ended! The past few days AND nights were plain mad crazy. I felt like Rumpelstiltzkin trying to churn golden straws within a certain period of time. After class ended a few hours ago, I just felt like running through the wet streets of Orchard. =D Oh that free feeling just is like shackles being cut open from my legs and hands. Sorry, assignments just sort of have that kind of effect.

Work is not letting up as well, what with the dance practices. And finally! The choreography was finished- yours truly. hehe~ And the whole team has practiced and we have gotten it down (well, almost) to a science. And then come the actual event- Saturday! Ah, I hope all will go well.

Truth is, I am running from anything that smells even remotely male. I suddenly get this revolting feeling about males. And so, I am shutting myself away from friends who happen to be boys. (sorry dudes) I guess, until I change my mind, you won't be seeing me around. Don't need to be understood, though. :) Sometimes, I truly feel ruthless and.. who knows someday, unfeeling completely.

Ahh. Away with that for now, I am watching Devil Wears Prada tomorrow- and I might possibly shop soon. And then there is also Friday night. For now, these are all that matters. :)

Anna.

2006-05-07T07:28:00.000-07:00

OREO!

It's me. Hi. Is this my blogspot? Oh, hello blogspot.. LONGGGGG time no write.. I mean, type. Really. Been busy okay. Not idling. Hee hee. Life has been pretty pleasant so far. Not too predictable. Adventures. Fun. Food. Friends. Holidays to come. Slippers to buy. Plays to watch. Eddy! Get that leg working already. Tsk.

and so the doctor confirmed i have gastricitis- however u spell it.the doctor seemed exasperated after talking to me.

He : what happened to you? (he said something like this)
Me: my (i point to that section of the stomach) is really hurting me for the past 3 days
He : hrm.. do you get a sour feeling going up your throat? (and name me all the symptoms)
Me: yes! i do!
He : hrm.. are you on a diet?
Me: (i laugh)
He : hrm.. why are you laughing?
Me: because the question is funny. (laughs again) - doctor looks exasperated here.
He : It seems that you have gastricitis- however u spell it.
Me: Huh? Really? How come?
He : It may be you are not having proper meals.
Me: Can't be. I have my food on time.
He : Urm.. you may be stressed. Sometimes it can be caused by stress.
Me: But I am a pretty happy person.
He : Urm... well, if you have any problems, you can call me. I will give you two meds to take.. (blah~ blah~)
Me: Okay...
He : Are you using mascara? (makes the mascara flick motion)
Me: (Laughs) yes yes.

- urm.heh.doctors are just not good conversationalists, sometimes.

and it is not that i despise cab drivers for nothing. i took a cab home earlier because i was in pain and it was not funny. when it reached home, the meter read: $3.10.
So i proceeded to take out $3.10.. and then the meter turned $3.20 and so i asked..

Me: Eh. I pay $3.20 or $3.10?
He : $3.20 la. Cant you see the meter? (what an ass right?!)
Me: But just now, when you stopped, it was $3.10 what!
He : Then you take out coins so slow, must also count the time i wait what. (what the heck!!!)Me: That is nonsensical, uncle. I never knew there was such a law for paying because i took time to take my coins out!
He : Haiyah. Only a ten cents difference what. What can you do with it?
Me: I can add little ten cents to buy me a cup of tea okay! (Urgh)
Me: Next time, I wont take your cab anymore.

And did i mention, the fare starts at $2.60? Actually i wont mind giving him that extra coin or whatsoever. but he was so rude about it. and i really cannot see the point of paying for my time. i never had been in such a stupid situation.and dont give me this crap about fighting over a meagre ten cents before reading the actual situation. and if it is nothing to me, why should it be something to him too, right?

Heh. Just realised the last time i blogged was like exactly a month ago. wow wee. life has really robbed me. :p

2006-04-06T07:32:00.000-07:00

TopCrazEy

The most disguisting thing about this template is that there is no natural line breakers. So unless i insert a "<>" on every line i want spaced, the entire entry look like a bottle of squashed ants. and that is disguisting, isnt it? the reason why i am blogging today is because i am bored of looking at the other websites.. and then looking at mine so stuck in some time zone- courtesy of eddy. ha ha.

Today i look a little mad perhaps. because i was completely au natural when i went to town.. and i think there must be something about it.. because people kept giving way to me.. as if i might just hammer into them or something.. i went sHoPPing! i still am eyeing some shirts which can just make my wallet superbly light- which it already is. by the way eddy, i did not get that linen shirt.. it's like i went into the shop many many times... walked around the shelf but still undecided.

Hurray to next week because off we go and soak in the sun's beautiful rays again..! I was just thinking about it.. hehehe. and i like chocolate-o-poly because i never seem to lose. am i good or am i good? oops. heh.

2006-03-18T03:26:00.000-08:00

These moments that I miss most_*

I miss the moments when we just gossip in school. when we do superbly crazy things. laugh over the stupidest things. the hotdog in the library. the pressurizing moments of deadlines. the pressurizing moments of the uncooperative team mate. it is all in my head. bad or not bad.. i dont know.. but i do miss the good times. almost expected, after graduation, people just change. drift away, busy with own pursuits. at this point i just wish to say.. life is nothing. nothing without your family and friends. success can be pursued. but once you lose your friends.. that connection with your family.. it will be too late once you realise.. you would be too far behind. so make the most of the relationships around you. with their support.. your success would be more felt. and of course, even after this.. there will be people who will disappear.. people who will say "but i have got this.. that .. this that..." let's just let Time show us this same scenario again and again.

Saturday again. My first weekend! Ah the liberation! The freedom!!! La la la la~ So spent it playing scrabble with eddy.. becoming a fast hobby.. although many others said we are just so weird. but who cares? ha ha ha ha. always enjoyed my scrabbie sessions. hehehehe. even gotten myself a topshop top! hehe.. and before i went home, i visited Kimage and had a hair cut. Of course.. the trainee actually splashed water on my shirt! tsk.. then the rest of the crew were like sorry sorry sorry.. and they actually blowdry my shirt.. ahha.. okaylar.. sorta like my new hair.. (: la la la~ and yes.. lunch money should go to more topshop shortdresses cum .. cum.... ? ehhy.

Time to rest.
and oh oh oh oh~... RIVERMAYA IS TRES MAGNIFIQUE!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-06T04:46:00.000-08:00

Tiles and Letters

Eddy's birthday yesterday. As of course, we went out today and had a delicious yummy chicken rice.. at Arab st. My second time.. and I love the taste still. Maybe I should be there for another third time.. and let mr Faiz serve me.. la la la~ *winks. I find today interesting.. because, hurrah hurrah, we are out of the superbly mundane town. Anyway, in my opinion, the entire orchard road now better buck up. Marina Square is a very strong competitor and with chillout places more scenic (ie Esplanade and the outskirts of Marina sq itself..), who wants to stroll through town over and over again?

Life ever since the end of school was.. well rather exhausting. I caught up on much deprived sleep and much deprived outings with friends.. go for interviews.. but the priority now is rest. Well.. seriously.. I need it. Okay. The depression hasnt set in fully yet but just now's little incidents here and there sort of still upset and worry me.

And it did not help that I had to turn away 2 people yesterday..made me feel like a heartless robot.
and people asking me out.. well.. seriously. i rather go out with the people who i am most comfortable with.. this allergy thing discomforts me.. and irritates me.. not many can understand that.. i don't know man.. been meeting people whose sole aim is to get a life partner.. and i dont share that perspective..

nothing makes sense for now.

2006-03-01T10:44:00.000-08:00

These people scare me

Lately I am putting something to a test. Although I know.. and most probably, it's going to backfire and scream Ha Ha at me. There is this one person. Who seems to see all the joy and light in me. Thinks I am an angel that dropped from the sky. Some sort of an answered prayer. Sometimes I think one should see the different expressions on my face when I am alone, holding my phone. The huh? what the? yeah right. roll eyes. kinda expressions. haha. Apparently he thinks HE's the light and joy of MY life. The things he say... if i were a 10 yr old kid, i would have probably felt like mickey mouse and crew came to my doorstep to say hello. And if i were 17, maybe i would feel like donald trump just lent me his plastic. but im freaking ** and all these word shits just aint cutting it. Let's see how long this charades can hold up.

2006-02-20T11:05:00.000-08:00

2006-02-10T02:24:00.000-08:00

Surmise, my Lady love.

How long has it been since I last blogged? Too long. I don't know. I just am not inspired to blog. Thinking stopped when I stopped typing my assignments. Such is Life now. Life is spinning faster than all vicious cycles combined.

I blogged today because I am at last, feeling a little free! Ehhy. Well, yesterday was the final year project presentation. It was quite nerve-wrecking but when the presentation finally started, it was not that bad, except I have to commend a particular member for cracking me up with her "shame-poo". Even the lecturer/advisor started sniggering. I was turning to Harv, and laughing my head off. Alas, an entire load off my back!

My rendezvous with Tee. Guess what. She hid behind the walls and scared the shit out of me with her "Booo!" and her mother and older sister laughed at me. The grandmother said I was noisy. Tsk. Ah, the grandmother. What would you say to a grandmother who was venting her feelings on you? She was crying and telling me how useless she feels. It was a difficult sight to behold, really.

Alas. Memoirs of a Geisha was a..... disappointment with a capital D. I really hate these sorta movies. You can just tell the director is just not interested in understanding the actual flow of the story. You can just tell he was in a hurry to finish the story, get it screened and earn his paycheck. Damn it. DAMN IT!

And of course. Meeting HIM. It was a shock, really. I mean.. I was surprised looking at how much he has changed. He doesn't really look like a contented man. I don't know. But anyway, he chose to live his Life that way so... whatever~. But Ed.. haha.. screamed.. and we ran off. That was.. weird. I guess.. after not meeting someone for 1.5 yrs can be quite a revealing shock.

6 more working days, emmit! should I be happy about it?